Starting Again
by Moonlight Enchantments
Summary: Bend It Like Beckham crossover! After a turbulent time as part of a professional football team in America Jess Bhamra decides her life needs yet another change...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hullo! It's meeeeee! How're you all doing? Good I hope, even though I have been absent for a while -lol! Well I'm back now, for this story at least! I'm really not sure how it's going to pan out, or even if it will work, but I'm willing to give it a go, because it's something I've really wanted to write for yonks. (that'd be a long time, to those who don't speak Kenzie) Anyway, this is a story in which you will have to suspend your belief. Its a crossover with Bend It Like Beckham (don't know if that's been done before but hey ho, I've not read it) and I shall try to make it make as much sense, and keep in characters, as much as I can. But it is an A/U, obviously! Basically Jess is Neela, Neela is Jess, though I'm not sure how it'll all work out, it will most likely be a Reela of some sort! Hahaha. Oh and by the way, I'm not sticking to how Neela really came into ER because to be honest, I can't remember! So yes, complete A/U though some things will happen that happened in the series. -Spoiler wise, that'll only be up to season 12, nothing from season 13!**

**Summary: Jess Bhamra's life always seems to take the most unexpected turns. Once she was studying hard, trying to get into Uni, then she found herself part of a female footie-team, and falling for her coach. After a turbulent time as part of a professional football team in America she decides her life needs another change...**

Chapter One -Starting Afresh

Jess Bhamra entered the doors of Chicago County hospital, not knowing what she would find or what to expect. She knew her life was starting again, and that everything from this moment would be different. She had no idea how different.

_Flashback_

Jess hugged her friend tightly, through the last eighteen months they grown even closer, trying to help each other to cope with the trials of leaving home, and living in a strange country. She could feel tears on her cheeks, and knew that Jules would be crying too.

"Jess, I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, so much. You better come and visit me."

"I will," Jules said, sniffing and trying to smile. The two girls stepped away from each other and tried to gather themselves. They were completely different in so many ways, especially in looks, Jules being tall, with cropped hair, and white. Jess was small, had long hair, and was Indian. Of course these differences had never really come between them, their love of "the great game" had united them. The only time they'd fallen out was over Joe, their former coach and Jess's former boyfriend. But even that hadn't been enough to keep them from helping each other.

Here in America they'd tried to help each other, but Jules was naturally a lot more confidant than Jess, and they started to drift as Jules made friends and Jess was left alone in her room a lot. It had been one of the first times that Jess felt completely isolated because of her culture, and her differences. Jules never made her feel that way, but the other girls sometimes did. It hadn't helped that they mainly went out to "pull" when Jess was already feeling out of her depth with her then new boyfriend.

Eventually, the pressure of everything had made her crazy with feeling homesick and she'd run back to England without telling her coach. After a month she returned, having broken up with Joe, and found she no longer had a place on the team. She decided she needed a new take on life, something away from football, and she had applied to medical school.

She had got in, with her good results, and her parents' happiness -they had decided to pay for a lot of her school bills. But now it was time to leave, and she couldn't believe she was actually going. Unhappy as her time had been, she had tried to make a home here, and now she was uprooting again.

"I'd better go," she said, picking up her bag. "I'll write."

"Good," Jules said, unable to say anything, they had already spoken on their feelings of Jess's decision, this wasn't the time. Besides, her friend was extremely stubborn. "I don't know what I'll do without you."

"You'll be fine," Jess said, giving one last smile before walking to her gate. There was no sign of David Beckham this time, but she wasn't sure if that was a good omen or not.

_End Flashback_

That had been fouryears ago, and she'd only seen Jules once. They had both been busy, Jess with studying, Jules with her football. But they kept in contact through regular letters, and Jules had promised to come visit her new work place. She couldn't believe that, she was working now. For some reason the football, even though it had paid, it hadn't seemed like work. Being a doctor, she knew, was going to be _hard _work.

She walked up to the desk, and the clerk looked up at her.

"Yes?" he asked, distractedly.

"Hi, I'm Je... Neela, Neela Rasgotra, I'm an intern." She couldn't believe she'd almost slipped up, she'd been practising her introduction all the way from her new apartment. She'd only changed her name a few months but she still occasionally slipped up. She couldn't think of herself as Neela Rasgotra, serious student, competent doctor. In her mind she would always be Jess Bhamra, a little girl who loved football.

She had changed her name because of an incident with her ex-boyfriend. He was a fellow med-student, and someone she had greatly admired. Until she had found out he was cheating on her. When she tried to break it off the situation had gotten out of control and he grew scary. Not knowing how to cope she took the offer of a place in Chicago, half way across the country, and changed her name hoping he wouldn't be able to find her. She was trying to start again, as a different person, putting everything behind her. The only remnants from her old life were Jules and her family, she didn't keep in contact with anyone from med-school, she didn't keep in contact with Joe, and she never played football.

The clerk looked at her, "Ah, one of the new bunch? Well, good luck, you'll need it." He pointed to a group of other worried looking people.

Nervously, she swallowed hard and followed the clerk's finger to the group.

"Hi, I'm Neela," she said, trying to sound confidant. Of course she was anything but.

**A/N Well, I know it was short, but I just wanted to set the scene. I hope you all like it, let me know if you want me to carry on!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N People liked it! YEY! And yes, I am completely changing the whole story of ER. Because I can! My way is better... lol.**

Chapter Two

The group all smiled nervously, but no-one added their introductions. She stood next to this silent group, arms folded, until a tall, dark and handsome man wearing a lab coat walked up.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Kovac," he said, with an accent that made her go weak at the knees. "I'm an attending here, and I'll be giving your introduction to the ER."

_There is no way I'm going to be able to concentrate, _Jess thought to herself, then she chided herself. She'd only just got out of one bad relationship and already she was fawning over her new attending. It wasn't a good start as Doctor Neela Rasgotra.

Suddenly a woman ran up to the group, also wearing a lab coat, tying her brown hair into a ponytail. "Sorry Luka," she said as she skidded to a stop next to Neela.

"That's alright," he replied, with a smile and a fond look. Neela sensed an air between these two, and wondered how they already knew each other.

"Abby Lockhart," the woman said, smiling at Neela.

"Neela Rasgotra," she said, returning the smile. Finally, some friendly people.

They were half way through their "tour", after they'd been kitted out in labcoats when yet another intern arrived. Neela and Abby were trailing towards the back, when a tall guy started walking along with them.

"Ray Barnett," he said with a cheeky grin when they looked at him bewilderedly. "I was a bit late. I'm hoping no-one will notice."

"You're so dead," Neela said, smiling. He had a great grin, it was impossible not to smile back. Abby didn't though -she just raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

Luka glanced round and frowned when he saw Ray. "And you are?" he asked tersely.

"Ray Barnett." Was the answer, with not so much of a cheeky grin, Neela noticed. "I um... the El was late."

Luka raised an eyebrow, "When it comes to the ER, lateness really isn't accepted." Then he turned and continued explaining the relevance of keeping the crash carts tidy. Neela noticed that he had responded to Ray in much the same way as Abby had. There definitely had to be something between these two, and she decided she was going to find out. And as for Barnett, she decided that she should probably steer clear, he wasn't the type of person she wanted around when she was trying to start a new, responsible life. Not with that grin.

* * *

Later, after one of the most scariest days of her life, Neela was free from the ER. But she found herself across the road at a bar called "Ike's" with Abby, Luka, Susan Lewis, and Ray Barnett. She hadn't wanted to go, but she had been talking to Abby and suddenly was sitting round a table with two of her attendings and two fellow interns. Perhaps it wasn't the best start, but she was having quite a good time, and she thought she deserved a little relaxation after her day.

She had assumed they would let the interns get used to the ER, but no they threw you in at the deep end. She had been hovering round four traumas, shadowing Doctor Greg Pratt on his rounds, and told off by a nurse for writing down the wrong instructions on a chart.

"Trust me, it's annoying," Abby said with a smile, when Neela told her day's tale.

"How would you know?" Neela asked.

"I am... was a nurse. Here at County, that's how I know everyone. I got sick of all this lot thinking they're so clever and decided to prove them wrong by becoming a doctor myself."

"Wow..." Neela said, smiling, "I wondered what... nothing."

All four looked at her as if she was a little crazy but Ray stepped in saying;

"So that's how you have the upper hand with all the nurses, you're one of them."

"I don't have an upper hand," Abby said, mock-glaring at Ray. Neela smiled, they were already play fighting. She had a feeling that whether it was for the best or not, Ray was going to turn into a friend of hers.

"What do you guys think of the other interns?" she asked.

Ray pulled a face, "Oh god, I hope they quit."

"Barnett," Susan said, but it was obvious she was hiding a smile. "And what makes you think you're so much better than them?"

"Well... it's just obvious isn't it," he said, grinning _that _grin again. If Luka's accent was knee-melting, Ray's smile was butterfly-inducing. In the good way. "Plus," he added, trying to look serious, "It's not just me that rocks, it's Neela and Abby too."

"Suck-up," Abby said.

* * *

It turned out that her and Ray got the same El train home, her apartment being a little further along the line than his. They said goodbye to the others and walked along the street. They walked most of the way in silence, which was surprisingly comfortable -seeing as they had only just met- but as they walked up the steps to the platform Ray started asking questions.

"So, Neela, where'd you go to med-school?"

"California."

"Ah nice and hot... I'm betting you've always wanted to be a doctor, right?"

"No," she said with a small laugh, if only he knew how wrong he was.

"Oh? I just assumed you were one of those serious student types."

"I am, well I'm trying to be, but I wasn't always."

He looked down at her with raised eyebrows. "So, you just came over here on holiday and thought what the hell, I'll be a doctor?"

"No, why is that what you thought?" she retorted.

"Nice change of subject, no I didn't. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor so... it just happened. I'm in a band too."

"You trying to impress me?" she asked, with a grin, as they walked onto the awaiting train.

"No, I'm just... informing you."

Neela grinned, she hardly knew this man, but she already enjoyed his company and the banter they so easily had with each other.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he said, as the El pulled into his station. "It was nice meeting you."

"You too." She couldn't help smiling as he walked off the train and waited on the platform until it was out of sight.

Ray walked home, smiling to himself. His first day as a medical intern hadn't gone as badly as all those horror stories they told you in med-school. He'd had fun following the different doctors round, and he'd got on well with some of his colleagues. At least that was the story he could tell his Mom, the real one was more... Neela-related. He hadn't expected to find some sane people at County, never mind hot ones. And she seemed nice, sweet. Not that she'd ever go for him of course, her being the sensible type -something he knew she was, whatever she tried to say about her past.

* * *

**A/N So, Ray and Neela/Jess meet. Who likes my way best? I DO! lol, I hope you're enjoying this A/U, with all it's new twists and turns. Will they be Roomies? Oh I've not decided yet... hehehe**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N This is a pretty depressing chapter, I'm afraid. And there is a bit of rating confusion, this should maybe be higher (because of the flashback and language used) but I'm not sure. I had to do it to show why she changed her name etc. I didn't want it just to be a silly little reason. Hope you like it anyway...**

Chapter Three

Jess woke with a start, tears streaming down her face. This was the third time this week she'd had that nightmare, and she'd lost count how many times she'd had over the months after her move to Chicago. She couldn't even properly remember what happened, just the exquisite sense of contentment at first, being in Joe's arms, then overwhelming feeling of fear. She would wake in a panic, crying and sometimes screaming. For once she was glad she lived on her own, that would be too hard to explain to a room-mate

She walked into the kitchen, switching on the bright electric light. She turned on the kettle then leaned against the side. She couldn't go on like this, she was losing more sleep every night, sometimes forcing herself to stay awake through fear of having the nightmare again. Most of the time she would study, that was the only plus point, she could quote more and more whole passages from textbooks.

When the kettle had boiled she made herself some tea, hoping it would calm her down. She had thought that as time passed the feeling that Darren would find her again would ease, and she'd be able to relax into her new life but it turned out that it wasn't that easy. She could still see him if she closed her eyes, his sneering face leaning close to hers, spitting words at her. Anything would bring back memories, a flash of blonde hair, and she would stop dead in the street.

She'd first liked Darren because... well she wasn't sure what had first drawn her to him. It had been two things really, he was English -like her- and he helped her not to feel as homesick, and he had the complete opposite looks from Joe, a person she was desperately trying to forget. Where Joe had dark hair and light eyes, Darren was blonde, with chocolate brown eyes, a similar shade to her own. At first he'd been a perfect gentleman, making her laugh and distracting her from her past. After about six months of casual dates, they began getting serious and he began scaring her. It was nothing at first, he would snap or be moody if she was late, or cancelled their plans. It wasn't until she found out he was seeing another woman, and she went to confront him, that she realised how dangerous he was.

_Flashback_

"I don't want you to call me, or come to see me any more, I can barely look at you." She turned for the door but he grabbed her wrist, wrenching her round so she was facing him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know about your other girlfriend, Darren," she said, trying to keep her voice calm, even though she was still painfully aware of his grip on her arm.

"Jess, what are you talking about, you're my girlfriend, we're going to move in together after the summer," he said, a small smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"No, it's over. I don't want to be with you any more. Leave me alone."

He pulled her to him with such force she almost fell onto him, so their faces were almost touching. "You don't mean that." It came out as an almost growl and an animal-like look had filled his eyes. "We are going to be together, Jess, we'll get married and have kids and have a perfect little family."

"No! Let me go, I said leave me alone!"

He let go so suddenly that she didn't have time to get her balance and she fell to the floor. "You little bitch, you think you're better than me? You're nothing but some jumped up slapper who thinks she's better than everyone."

Jess tried to get up and scramble to the door at the same time, but he was there quicker, blocking her way.

"You're not leaving."

_End Flashback_

Neela stood up, and stared down at her hands where she'd accidentally spilt her tea. She couldn't do anything, just stare, she couldn't think what to do, all she could hear was his words;

"_You're not leaving." _

She walked to the phone and dialled the number for the ER.

"Chicago County ER," a tired Frank answered the phone.

"It's Neela Rasgotra, is Abby or Ray there?"

"One minute."

Ray walked up to the desk and picked up the phone, he wondered why Neela would be calling at three fifteen in the morning.

"Neela?"

"Ray... please can you help me?" she asked calmly, before letting out a sob. "I need some... some... I..."

"Neela, it's alright, I'll be right there." He didn't stop to consider that he didn't have her address, he just heard her crying and his heart skipped a beat. He had only known this woman for a couple of months, but he was already unable not to react to her. "Frank, I need Neela's address, I need to go round there now."

Frank raised an eyebrow, but at the urgency in Ray's voice, he quickly got Neela's file.

Neela opened the door to her apartment, her eyes wide with shock. "Ray..."

"Neela, what's happened?" he asked, out of breath from running most of the way from the El, he stepped into the apartment and she held out her burnt hands. "Shit, Neela..."

He looked at her face and saw tears running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she was whispering.

"You don't have to be sorry," he answered, pulling her gently into his arms. He knew there was more to this than burnt hands, but there was no need to bring anything up. "Come on, let's get you sorted. Shh, you'll be alright, I'll look after you."

Half an hour later he was sitting on the couch with her. He had bandaged her hands as best he could, but she still refused to go into the ER. He didn't think they were too badly hurt, and he doubted the damage would be lasting. She sat now staring at the clean bandages, looking as if she was still in shock.

"What happened Neela?" he asked, not wanting to pry, but needing to know how she had burnt her hands in the middle of the night.

"I spilt tea on them."

"Oh... look, are you alright? I know it must have been a scare but you seem... really upset." He wished he were more eloquent, but truth be told he just wanted to wipe away her tears and make her smile, he didn't know what was wrong, and he had no idea how to make it better.

"I'm fine, I just... got shaken up a bit. I um... I'm fine. You can go now, you'll probably get in trouble or something, I'm sorry."

Ray was astonished at how quickly she'd managed to close up. While he'd been looking after her she'd been crying freely, now she wouldn't even look at him. "Neela, I don't care about getting into trouble, I just want to know..."

"I'm fine," she snapped.

"Right," he said quietly, standing up. "I'll go then. I can see myself out."

As she heard the door close she bit her lip. He'd only tried to help her and she'd pushed him away. She couldn't help it, he was too kind to her, he reminded her of Joe. And she only wanted to forget him, because to remember was too painful.

They'd gotten into a big fight when she had gone back to England, he'd told her she was throwing away her career. She'd said he was trying to force her to do the things he never could. And years later, even though she hadn't spoken a word to him since, she still loved him.

**A/N Angst, teenie bit of fluff (involving an ever-so-sweet Ray) and more angst. I must be in an angsty mood or something! I hope you liked it, nicer things to come, I'm sure... hehe**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thank you all for your lovely reviews. You're all so kind. I hope you like this chapter, it's a bit of a background chapter, but I hope you'll like it anyway. Massive spoilers for Bend It Like Beckham, but I assume you've all watched that anyway!**

Chapter Four- Explanations

Before Ray had left Neela's apartment he had seen something odd. On the table by the door there were a few letters, mainly airmail ones, addressed to Jess Bhamra. He had only noticed because he had paused beside the door, not sure whether to go back or not. In the end he had left, but he couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps he should have stayed. He was sure Neela didn't have a room-mate, at least she had never mentioned one. So why on earth would she have someone else's letters?

He shook his head, trying to clear it of confusing thoughts. He didn't need to get involved, Neela had made it clear she didn't want him near her. Besides, he was about to face Kerry Weaver after abandoning his shift -he would need all his brain power to get out of a flogging.

For the whole of the next week he couldn't help but notice that Neela was avoiding him. She hadn't talked to him at all since that night, and he had barely even seen her. He decided to ask Abby if she had noticed anything odd about her, or if it was just him she was avoiding.

"Hey Lockhart, can I speak to you a minute?"

"I'm kind of busy Barnett," Abby said, not slowing her pace.

"Abby, it's important."

She sighed and stopped, and they both moved to the side of the corridor. "What's up?"

"It's Neela. Is she... acting funny around you?"

"Neela? No... she seems a bit stressed but you know, she takes things seriously."

"Oh..." he didn't know what else to say, maybe he had just misread everything. Right then Neela walked past, flashed a smile at Abby and looked as if she was about to walk over. Then she saw who Abby was talking to and quickly walked in the opposite direction. Ray looked at Abby with an astonished face, "Please tell me you saw that!"

"Yeah that was weird... what have you done?"

"What, nothing! I haven't done anything, but she isn't speaking to me!"

"You must have done something," Abby said, "What, did you hit on her?"

"No, ok, last week she phoned the ER, and she was really distraught, I went over there and she had burnt her hands, and was sobbing. Once I'd sorted them out she got all defensive and snappy, and she hasn't talked to me since."

Abby frowned, "She told me about her hands but she never said you had helped her... is that why you were in trouble with Weaver?"

Ray nodded.

"I'll talk to her," Abby said, "I'll see what's up."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. She runs away whenever I try to go near her."

Abby smiled and walked away. That was odd. Neela had definitely run when she'd seen Ray, but why? Was she embarrassed about crying in front of him? Yeah, that was probably it. Abby had already noticed how much she hated people seeing she couldn't do something, she didn't like showing any kind of weakness. Abby was pretty similar in that respect.

"Neela, hey... Neela! Wait up!" Abby jogged up to her co-worker, who had been striding towards the El station.

"Oh... hey," Neela replied, though from the embarrassed look on her face Abby was pretty sure she had heard her and just hadn't acknowledged it.

"You ok?"

"Mmm, of course."

Abby frowned, "Its just today, you seemed a bit flustered around Ray. In fact I don't think I've seen you talking to him for a while now. Is everything ok with you two?"

Neela groaned inwardly, she had known Abby had noticed -Neela had made quite a hasty retreat after all- and she had known there would be these questions coming soon. That's why she had tried to get out of the ER before seeing anyone.

"Sure it's just... well," she paused, not knowing how to explain to Abby what had happened. She could barely acknowledge to herself why she was avoiding Ray. And there was no logical excuse she could think of without going into her past.

"He... told me, about last week. How he came round."

"Oh."

"He's really cut up about it, Neela, he wants to know why you're not talking to him." Abby had decided to just be blunt about everything she knew, then maybe Neela would give her a straight answer in return. "Are you embarrassed, because you know he wouldn't tease you about it or anything. I know he's a joker, but he knows when things are serious."

"I..." Abby was being so kind, Ray had been so kind. Neela felt like the worst kind of person lying to them both, when they'd both told her many things about their own past that wasn't exactly favourable. Abby had told her about her past relationships with Luka, and John Carter who know longer worked at County. She had also told Neela about her drinking problem. "Do you want to come back to mine for a coffee? I don't want to talk about all this on the street."

Abby was a little puzzled, Neela seemed suddenly serious, but she nodded, "Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything."

The El ride to Neela's apartment was mostly in silence, both women were wondering how their next conversation would go. Neela knew she could trust Abby not to tell anyone else her secrets, and she decided she would tell her everything. At least then she could have a confidant, someone to ask advice about Ray, and everything else.

They sat at Neela's small table, staring into their coffee cups, waiting for the right moment to start such a conversation. Abby didn't want to say anything, she wanted to let Neela get whatever she needed to off her chest. Neela didn't know where to start.

"My name isn't Neela Rasgotra," she said suddenly. "My real name is Jesminder Bhamra, but everyone called me Jess. I changed my name about 6 months ago, so that my boyfriend in med-school wouldn't be able to find me. I... have to tell you this because I need to get it off my chest and you've been such a good friend to me and..."

"Neela," Abby said, putting her hand over her friend's. "I mean... Jess. You don't have to explain why. Just tell me what you want to, ok?"

Neela smiled, "Thanks. And Neela's fine. When I was eighteen, the summer I after I had just finished my A-levels, I was still living with my parents, waiting for my results so I could get into Uni to become a lawyer or a doctor or something else important. It was what my parents had always wanted, I was the youngest, and the cleverest and it was my duty to do well. Up until then I'd been really happy with their plans, their plans were my plans, and that was fine. I used to love football, I mean soccer, that was my only rebellion, I would always watch it. Beckham was my favourite player. One time when I was having a kick about in the park with my friends a girl called Jules came up to me, and told me about a girls' team that she thought I should join."

"You were into soccer?"

"I still am, secretly. I never play any more but I can't help watching it, especially if England's playing."

Abby looked shocked, as Neela had guessed she might be, "I would never have guessed. Did you join the team?"

"Yeah, I joined the team. My parents didn't know, I knew they would disapprove, but it was just amazing. It was a proper team, with a league and proper matches. Jules and I became really close, and then there was my coach... Joe." Neela stopped, not knowing how to talk about Joe. She had never had to talk about him to anyone before, it was hard. "He... I... both me and Jules really liked him, but he wasn't allowed to do anything because he was our coach, so for both of us it was just a crush. He really helped me, and when my parents eventually found out, he tried to persuade them to let me play."

"Were they annoyed, when they found out?"

"That's an understatement. But it was all around the time of my sister's wedding, and everyone was extremely stressed. I made it worse as well, by sneaking off to Germany. And it was then that Joe and I almost kissed. Jules found out, and wouldn't speak to me, I tried to apologise, and then she tried to make up, but I was upset because I wasn't allowed to play any more, and we were on pretty bad terms. Then I found out that our team's final match was on the same day as my sister's wedding."

"You're kidding?" Abby asked, disbelief in her eyes.

Neela shook her head. "Nope, it's all true. When my dad saw how depressed I was, he let me go. There was a scout there, for me and Jules, and we played really well. He offered us places at a team in Santa Clara."

"You must have been really good Neela. I can't believe you don't play any more. and that you didn't tell us."

"It's complicated."

"I know," Abby said, with an encouraging smile. "So, what happened?"

"I managed to persuade my parents to let me go. They didn't want me to, but they knew it was what I really wanted. At the airport, Joe came to wave us off. He wanted to know if there was any chance that we could have got together. I didn't want to put any more pressure on my parents, they would have gone mad if they'd known I was going out with a white guy. But when I saw him there, I just couldn't stop myself. I kissed him, and decided we would tackle my parents when I came back at Christmas."

"I knew something must have happened between you two, from the look on your face."

"Was it that obvious? So, Jules and I went to Santa Clara, and I hated it. I had a really horrible time, because I just didn't fit in. I didn't have any friends apart from Jules and she'd made her own friends. So I came home, and they kicked me out of the team. Joe and I had been going out all through this, he'd tried to be supportive but when I came home he told me I was wasting my opportunities. He hadn't been able to play professionally because he'd busted his knee and I had accused him of trying to live his dream through me. I knew it wasn't true but I just wanted to hurt him. And I did, we split up."

"Oh Neela. Did you... love him?"

"Yes. I really did. He was so... perfect for me," Neela said, with a sad smile.

"Neela, there are other guys, he wasn't the only one out there for you."

"I don't know. That's what I tried to tell myself, that's why when I made the decision to go to med-school -I thought I'd try my parents' plan- that's why I got together with Darren. He didn't remind me of Joe, and he was nice enough at first. But he turned... nasty. I tried to break it off with him, he;d been cheating on me, and he... he..." She tried to take deep breaths, but couldn't finish.

"It's alright, take your time."

"He hit me, over and over, he wouldn't let me leave. I was so scared Abby, I thought he was going to kill me. I nearly did die, his room-mate found me and took me to the hospital, and after that I ran. I accepted a placement here at County, changed my name and... that's about it, I guess. I... I still have nightmares. Where he's there, leaning over me. I wake up screaming, and I can't stop. Last week, I'd woken up because of that, and I was in shock or something, I spilled tea all over my hands and I couldn't do anything, I didn't know what to do. So I called County, looking for you or Ray, and when Ray came I basically collapsed, sobbing and sobbing. Then I made him leave and I can't bare to speak to him."

"Did you tell him any of this?" Abby asked quietly, not sure what to say.

"No, I couldn't. You're the first person I've told."

"Didn't you go to the police, or... a psychiatrist, it's obviously haunting you."

Neela shook her head, "No, I just wanted to get out of there. The police tried to speak to me, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to talk about what happened I felt... so..."

"I understand. Oh my god Neela, I just... never knew."

"How could you?" Neela asked.

Abby gave a small smile. "Thank you, for telling me. I know it must have been hard. Why did you want Ray to leave?"

"He reminded me of Joe... he was so kind, and he tried to take care of me, and I just... couldn't take seeing what I was probably missing out on."

"Oh Neela. Do you like Ray?"

"I... I don't know. I don't want to even think about it. I'm trying to start a new life but I just..." Neela stopped, feeling frustrated, she didn't know the answers to these questions herself, how was she supposed to explain them to Abby?

"Sometimes feelings get in the way of our plans," Abby said, quietly. She looked as if she was speaking from personal experience. "I think you should tell Ray. You need to talk to him, you can't just leave it like that. You two got on so well."

"I know... I'll talk to him tomorrow. Thanks Abby, I don't know what I would do without you sometimes."

Abby smiled, "That's sweet. You'd be fine, but it's sweet."

**A/N Hope you liked! It was just a big, background chapter, but hope it was ok!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five- Friends

"Ray, can I talk to you for a minute?" Neela asked him as they walked out of a trauma room. They'd just worked well together in a trauma and he'd given her a smile as they were walking out, so she took this as encouragement that she should try and sort things out with him.

"Sure, you can always talk to me," he said, pulling her to the side of the corridor. "What's up?"

"Look, I'm really sorry I haven't talked to you since... that night you came over. It's just, there's a lot of things going on in my life and I just... it all got to me that night. I guess I was embarrassed you'd seen me like that."

He gave her a reassuring smile, "Neela, no matter how many times I see you upset it's not going to distract me from the fact you're a brilliant, intelligent, amazing woman. In fact it only makes my lo... like you more." His eyes widened at the word he had almost said, but she didn't seem to notice, she was too relieved he wasn't angry.

"I'm so glad. So, friends?" she asked, smiling broadly.

"Always," he replied, slightly hoarsely.

"Good. How about we go to Ike's after shift?"

"I'd love to. I better go, Luka'll be wondering what I'm up to."

"Yeah, see you later," she said, before walking off towards the elevators.

Ray continued to look at her as she walked away, he couldn't seem to drag his eyes away. What he's almost said, it couldn't be true, he hardly knew Neela. He didn't love her. He liked her a lot, as a friend. And that was all.

Sure, another part of him said, that's why you were so bothered when she stopped talking to you.

He turned around and decided to stop thinking about himself and go help some patients. Feelings were too confusing, and a realm he wasn't used to. Lust, he was used to, but likes and loves were not his territory.

As Neela walked towards the elevators she couldn't help smiling. Ray was a good friend, someone she liked being around. She needed friends she could depend on, and she was pretty sure she could depend on ray. She pressed the button then folded her arms waiting for the elevator to make it's way slowly to her floor.

"Jess," a voice behind her said.

She swivelled round and gasped involuntarily. In front of her stood a man she'd only seen recently in her nightmares.

"I've missed you," Darren said with a small smile. "I've tried so hard to find you."

"What are you doing here?" Jess asked, her voice not much louder than a squeak.

"I've come to see you of course."

"I don't want to see you. Leave me alone." She turned and tried to make for the Doctor's Lounge, but he grabbed her arm. She froze at his touch, barely able to breath, never mind call for help.

"Jess, I've come all this way, I had to see you again. I've missed you so much. I love you jess, I don't want to be without you any more."

"Go away," she said, trying to keep her voice calm, but unable to with his hand still gripped on her arm.

"No, just give me five minutes, I made a mistake, but I'm truly sorry. You have to forgive me."

"Neela? Are you alright?" Luka asked, coming upon the scene. When he saw Darren was holding onto Neela he grabbed his arm, "Get off her."

Darren dropped his arm to his side and glared at Luka. "I'm Jess's fiancée."

"Well, I am her Chief, and as this is my ER, I suggest you leave," Luka replied, not batting an eyelid at Neela's old name. "Neela, do you want him here?" he asked.

Neela shook her head silently, her eyes pleading.

"Then you're definitely leaving. I'd prefer you just walked, but if you really want I can call security."

Darren glared at Neela, then at Luka. "I'll speak to you later then."

When he'd gone Luka looked closely at Neela. "Are you alright, did he hurt you?"

"No," she said quietly.

"Come on." He led her to an empty room and sat on a bed, looking at her. "So... do you want to explain what just happened?"

"I... Abby knows who he is."

"Abby and I do not actually share our thoughts, I do not know who that man was."

Neela smiled at Luka's odd sense of humour. "He... we used to go out. But when I split up with him, he didn't want me to leave. He beat me. So then I decided to run, I changed my name and came to Chicago. I didn't think he'd find me here."

Luka nodded, and contemplated what he'd just been told. "What are you doing after your shift?"

"I was meant to go with Ray to Ike's but I think I'll just go home..."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Luka asked.

"Why... he doesn't know where I live," Neela said with some certainty, though now Luka had mentioned it she felt a little worried. "How could he?"

"How did he find out you worked here?"

"I... don't know. But he wouldn't know where I live."

Luka sighed, "If you're sure. But if you want to stay with me, you can. Or Abby, or Ray. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your friends Neela. You don't have to do everything on your own." With that he got up, gave her a smile, then walked out the room.

At the end of the shift Ray was waiting for her at Admit. "You ready for Ike's?" he asked brightly.

"Actually, Ray, I'm not really in the mood. I just want to go home."

He raised his eyebrows, "What happened to us hanging out?"

"Don't Ray. I do want to it's just... not tonight."

He nodded and his jaw tightened. "Right."

She reached out and touched his arm, "It's not like that. I told you things were going on, and it's just..."

"Come on, we'll walk to the El. You can talk to me on the way."

As it turned out it had started raining heavily so they had to run most of the way, and there was no chance to talk. But when they boarded the crowded train Ray turned to her and looked expectant.

"I don't want to talk about it Ray."

"Neela, we're friends, you can talk to me."

"No, I can't. I can't talk to you about this. I don't want... I don't want you to think badly of me," she said, her voice growing quieter.

"Have you talked to Abby about it?"

"Yes," Neela said, after a pause.

Ray nodded, "So what's different about me?"

"You're... you're... you're just different, ok?"

"No, it's not ok. If we're friends we should be able to talk about our problems!" He felt angry now, he wanted to know why she wouldn't talk to him. He didn't care that they were in a public place, or that his stop was next, he just wanted to talk to her, to be there for her.

"It's your stop," she said, her face void of expression.

"Neela, I didn't mean to shout, I'm sorry I just..."

"It's your stop."

He opened his mouth to say something else but didn't have the words. He got of the El silently. As he walked along the platform he realised he didn't want to leave it like that. He had just started talking to her again, he didn't want to ruin that. He turned round but her train had already started pulling off. He looked at the timetable and saw the next train should be here in a few minutes. He didn't know what he would say to her, but he was going to try to fix it -whatever it was.

**A/N Hope you liked, slight cliffie there!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Hey, fanfic was playing up, so took me a while to get this posted! Anyway, just wanted to make it clear that in the gaps between the first few chapters there have been a couple of months, so they are pretty good friends, even though they haven't had lots of meetings in the story? Okely, just wanted to make that point because my friend was like "what, they're like this after a week?" No, a few months! Enjoy...**

Chapter Six- Revelations, of a sort

Neela walked along the dark street, she could see her apartment building jut up ahead, but she didn't want to go there. She felt terrible, her stomach was churning and her hands were clammy. She knew it was because she was worried, worried about Darren, worried about Ray, worried about everything. She felt she should turn around, go and see Ray, tell him everything. But she was afraid. Worried and afraid, she couldn't make any decisions in this state, just keep walking, heading for home, a kind of sanctuary.

She walked up the steps, marvelling at how quickly it had stopped raining, even though just half an hour ago it had been raining so hard everyone was instantly soaked. She only realised then that she was still damp, she hadn't even noticed before. Odd, what the mind chooses to ignore.

"Jess, hey babe." A figure stepped out of the doorway, and gave her a smile. "look, what happened back at the hospital, we'll just forget about it, yeah?"

"Darren... what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, of course."

Jess stepped back, almost falling, "Go away, I told you to leave me alone!"

Darren followed her down the steps, moving quicker so he was closer to her than when they'd started. "Now I know you don't mean that. Come on, Jess, you know I love you. I just want to take care of you."

"Leave me alone," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. "Please, Darren, go away."

"I'm not leaving," he said, his words a cruel mimic of those that haunted her nightmares.

Jess heard footsteps running behind her, and felt strong arms catch her as her legs collapsed beneath her. "Neela, are you alright?"

"Ray?"

Darren laughed, a cruel hard laugh, "Oh another one. I should have known you'd have been sleeping with everyone in Chicago. Just like you were sleeping with my room-mate. Then they're always there to save you, right?"

"I don't know who you are, but I think you should leave," Ray said, his voice tense.

"No, I think you should leave. She's not worth it, you know? She's at it with that chief, she's playing you for a fool mate."

"I'm not your mate." He turned to look at Neela, "You alright?"

She nodded, and stood. When he saw she was standing alright he stepped towards Darren.

"I told you to leave."

"And I told you I'm not leaving."

Ray tensed his jaw, made as if to turn around, then swung his fist at Darren, hitting him right in the eye. Darren slipped and fell, holding his hand to his face. Ray heaved him up by his jacket and pushed him onto the street. "Get lost, bastard."

But Darren had no intentions of just leaving, as he had done with Luka. Here there was only him and Ray, on a dark street. He ran towards Ray, shoving him in the stomach and knocking the wind out of him. They fell to the floor, and Darren punched Ray in the face, but Ray managed to roll him over, and pinned him to the ground.

"I really didn't want to have to do this," he said, hitting Darren again and again. He got up, breathing heavily, and looked down at the mess he'd left of Darren's face. He touched his own cheek and winced, that was going to look bad tomorrow. Darren was still writhing and moaning on the floor, cursing occasionally. He'd be fine, unfortunately, Ray thought to himself. He turned to Neela who's eyes were wide. "Come on, I need an icepack." He took her hand and led her to the door, leaving Darren lying on the side walk.

In the elevator on the ride up Neela looked at him closely, "What you did..."

"I'm sorry, I guess I just lost it. Not very professional," Ray said with a wry smile.

"Thank you."

Ray looked at her quizzically, "Thank you? Why? I only did what anyone would have done, though I maybe went a little overboard."

"Yeah, but it wasn't anyone who did it. It was you." Neela smiled and looked away, leaving Ray blinking in confusion.

"Who... was he then?"

"An old boyfriend... I came to Chicago because I thought he wouldn't find me here. I changed my name to make sure he didn't."

"You changed your name?" Ray asked, with raised eyebrows.

"Yes. It used to be Jess Bhamra."

"Oh..." he replied, thinking of the letters he had seen in her apartment. "Why didn't you want him to find you?"

Neela just laughed and looked at him as if he was stupid.

He shrugged, "Yeah, I guess he is a bit of a psycho."

"Just slightly," she said, stepping out of the elevator.

"Look, you don't have to answer this but... is he why you were so... upset, that night?"

Neela nodded, and opened the door silently. "I have nightmares about... him."

"It's alright," Ray said, pulling her into his arms. She leaned against him and sighed. He stroked her hair with one hand, the other tracing circles on her arm. After a few minutes she looked up at him with a small smile. Then she frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"I need an icepack," he said, touching his already swollen cheek.

"No I mean, why did you follow me?"

"I didn't follow you! Well I mean I... I just didn't want to leave it how we left it on the train."

She nodded, "I didn't either. I'm glad you came."

"Me too... can I get that icepack then?"

Half an hour later they were sitting on her couch, the radio playing quietly in the background, Ray holding a packet of frozen peas against his face.

"So, are you going to help me get them together?" Neela asked, referring to Abby and Luka. It seemed that Ray too had noticed their chemistry.

"Of course I will. You know what he said about Luka..." Ray said, quietly.

"I'm not sleeping with Luka. I have never slept with Luka."

"Sorry, I knew that I just... Abby would be upset."

Neela smiled, "And you?"

"Me?"

"Would you be upset?" She looked at him, then looked down at her lap, a smile still playing over her lips.

"Yes," he said quietly. She looked up at him again, then took the frozen peas from his face. She placed her fingers gently on his cheek, he winced. "Ow."

"Sorry," she whispered, still looking at him intently. Her fingers traced his cheekbones, then down his jawline, then his lips. He put his hand on her chin and tilted her gaze upwards so she was looking into his eyes, not at his lips, then he leaned closer to her.

"I really like you Neela..."

"I like you too."

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, his lips already touching hers before she had a chance to answer. He shifted round so he could kiss her better, felt her doing the same.

"No, you can't," she said jokingly, when he pulled away.

"Sorry," he said, bashfully. "I couldn't help myself."

"Will you stay here tonight? Not like that, I just don't want to be on my own."

"Sure," he said, smiling. "Are you sure not like that?" he wiggled his eyebrows, "It could be fun."

"No, not like that. I'm not that kind of girl."

He shrugged, "Oh well, we can still have fun though."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," she said with a wide grin.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Hey there, sorry RL has been in the way! I wrote this half a chpater agessssss ago, but I wanted to add more, but then college (work and people and everything else that goes with it) came along, making sure I had like no time! So I thought I'd post this, just to get you in the mood! hahaha! It's the christmas holidays next week so there should be more updates soon! Hope you like my twisty turvy storyline (I cna't help it, I should write soaps haha)**

Chapter Seven- Old Flames Never Burn Out

Ray woke up and looked at Neela, sleeping peacefully beside him. She was so beautiful. They'd stayed up quite late, just talking and kissing. They hadn't slept together, but it had been one of the most amazing nights of his life. Just being there, with her, just... the two of them. It was great.

"Morning sleepyhead," he whispered, as her eyes began flickering open.

She smiled, "Hi."

"How are you?"

"I'm good. I've not slept so well in... a long time."

"I'm glad I've been of use," he said, smiling.

She yawned, "You have."

"I'm going to go get some cereal," he said, getting up and pulling on his t-shirt. She watched him with a small smile. "What?"

"Nothing," she replied, still smiling.

Once he had gone she stretched out and sighed. She really liked Ray. And she had been totally truthful, that was the best sleep she'd had in a long time, with his arms around her she felt safe. She hadn't had any nightmares, only pleasant dreams.

He came back in with a bowl and a stack of letters, "You've got mail."

"You didn't get me any brekafast," she said, pouting.

"It's a good job you're so pretty," he said, giving her the bowl and mail with a mock-glare, before going back to the kitchen.

She munched on a few spoonfuls then looked at the letters. Bill, bill, bill, one from her sister, junk, bill, one from...

Ray meandered in, then took in her shocked face. "Are you ok?"

"I... I think you should go."

"What?"

"I said go. Just... leave!" she said, her voice raising, "Leave me alone and just go away!"

Ray was shocked but he didn't argue, just walked calmly to the kitchen, put his bowl down, then headed for the door. He didn't know what was going on, but Neela was near hysterics, and it seemed that it was his presence making her like that.

Neela didn't even hear the door close, she was just looking at the familiar handwriting on the letter in front of her. She ripped it open;

_Dear Jess,_

_I've tried to get Jules to tell me your address for months, but she wouldn't. So I had to face your mother, that's how desperate I was to get in touch with you! Of course she would have none of it, but your dad slipped me this adress, I hope it's the right one._

_Chicago, a doctor? Really? It seems so far from the Jess I knew, but I suppose that was the point. You wanted to be someone else. _

_I just had to write to you, even though now I don't really know what to say. Why did we end it? Was it worth it for you? It wasn't for me... I wish we hadn't. _

_Let me know if this is the right adress, please, I want to hear from you._

_Yours as ever,_

_Joe

* * *

_

Ray walked round his apartment slamming doors. It wasn't very mature, but it helped -a little. What was with her? They'd just been talking and getting on, and now... He didn't even know what had triggered off her mood. He'd given her the mail and then... he slumped on the sofa, maybe there had been a letter. Shit. He should have... What? He asked himself, checked her mail, censored it?

He switched on the t.v, hoping it would block out his thoughts. There was nothing he could have done different. But he still couldn't help feeling guilty, like it was his fault things had gone so wrong so quickly, before they'd even had a chance to start. There was an old "Friends" re-run on, he lent back and tried not to let the canned laughter annoy him.

At one point in the episode Joey and Monica were talking about "the night". The night where you spend all night talking and finding out about each other. Ray couldn't believe it, that's what he and Neela had just had. But something had gone wrong in the morning. Just his luck. He has his first romantic experience, and he goes and ruins it.

* * *

"Neela, wait up," Ray ran down the corridor, and pulled her to a stop. "Are you... alright?"

"Yes."

"I just... well, you know when... and..."

"What do you want Ray? I'm kind of busy," she said, barely looking at him.

"It's not important."

She nodded then turned away, biting her lip. She wished she wasn't like this, but she couldn't talk to him after what had happened. She had kissed him, and he probably expected something now... something she couldn't give, not when her heart was always thinking of someone else. Except, and this was the complicated bit, since that night, she hadn't had nightmares, only sweet dreams, of Ray.

But her waking moments were of Joe, and what to write to him. At least... most of them were.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Ok, this is getting hard. I do not know what to do with this story. I'm in the same position as Neela/Jess. Except she has two hot guys to decide between... hmm, I think she's better off! Haha. Anyway, I shall do my best, but will someone please have a word with the muses and tell them to give me some great ideas?**

**Oh and will people please please please go and read the ER Parody "The sound of doctors" by the Corrupted Banana Llamas -yes I'm one of them! Please, we're working our arses off to make some funny chapters and no-one reviews at all. It's very disheartening! And I know you lot are lovely reviewers, so please, go have a looksee! It's very funny and cute! Hehe, not that I'm bias! **

Chapter Eight -Unknown Meetings

"Hello?" a sleepy voice answered the phone.

"Jules? It's Jess... did I wake you up?"

"Hey Jess, don't worry about it, I had to get up in a few hours anyway. So how are you? You don't usually fork out for phone calls."

"Neither do you," Jess said, laughing. "Well this was a bit... urgent."

"Oh?"

"Joe wrote to me."

"Oh," Jules said, there was a pause then she added, "You going to tell me what he said?"

"That he thought it was a mistake we broke up, and that he wanted to hear from me."

"Have you replied?"

"No."

"Good god Jess, why not? It's bloody clear you still love him!" Jules said, sounding exasperated.

"Well I... you're right, I do still love him... but..."

"But... what? You two are really good together when you're not being petty."

"But there's someone else."

"What? That Darren bloke, please don't tell me you still see him."

"No, not Darren." Jess decided to leave out the fact he'd paid her a visit, it was too complicated and she didn't have the money to spend on the phone bill.

"Then who?"

"Someone I work with, this guy, he's really sweet and nice... and I like him a lot. And we kissed, he spent the night here."

"Jess!"

"Not like that," Jess said, laughing again, "We just talked and it was... really good. But then I got Joe's letter and I've... I've treated him really bad."

"Bloody hell, Jess, here I am, free as a bird and I get no guys, whereas you get two hot -I'm guessing- sweet, bloody lovely guys after you. How do you do it?"

"I don't know."

"Right, I'm going to have to think about this, I do not know what the answer is yet, but don't worry, we will find one! Look, I was meant to be going home for a week next week but my mum and dad won this cruise thing, last minute... how about I come to Chicago? I can meet this guy!"

"That'd be really really good Jules, thanks."

"Any time, now I've gotta get a bit more sleep. See you soon."

"Bye," Jess said, hanging up and smiling. She knew that with the help of Jules and Abby she would be able to sort this mess out.

Nearly a week later, the night before Jules was arriving, Ray finally managed to corner her. He was just getting off his shift and she was coming into the doctors' lounge.

"Neela, can we talk, please."

She looked at her watch and cursed herself for arriving early. "Um... I guess, but I've only got a little bit of..."

"That's fine. Look I just need to know... where do I... what are we doing? I mean, we were becoming really good friends, I thought, and yeah I like you. And I kinda thought, with you kissing me back, that you might like me too. But... if you don't... then, well, I wish you'd just say, so we could maybe go back to being friends? And I could try and forget about... that night. Because seriously, you've been driving me crazy with all this... not knowing."

"I... I'm so sorry. I just... I don't know. Oh god, why couldn't you have asked me this in a few days, I might have had an answer then," she said with a small smile.

"It's not funny. I'm not usually like this, you know!"

Neela couldn't help but smile again, "Sorry."

He grinned, even though he was trying to be serious. "Fine, laugh all you want!"

"Sorry, I do like you, as a friend and maybe more but I'm just... really confused at the moment."

"I see."

"I mean, there was all that Darren stuff and then I got a letter from my ex and I... I'm not quite sure I'm over him."

"Ok. Well, thanks for telling me. I'll let you get on with it." He went to the door but she grabbed his sleeve.

"Ray, please don't be mad with me."

"I... I wish I wasn't, but I can't help it. I'm sorry. I'll be fine in a few days, I just need to blow off some steam, then we can go back to being just friends, ok?"

"Sure," she said quietly, even though she knew neither of them really thought it was ok.

He walked out of the ER and called Brett on his cell. "Hey man, you up for a night out with your best buddy?"

Half an hour later he was sitting at one of the many bars he and Brett frequented, waiting for his best friend. Ray had no plans except to get very drunk and forget about one beautiful girl. Then his cell rang.

"Hey, Ray, it's Brett. I can't make it tonight, sorry man."

"What? Why?"

"Um... previously engaged?"

"Hannah called, right?"

Brett laughed, "You know I can't resist, you don't mind do you?"

"Course not, see ya later."

"Bye man!"

Ray slipped the phone back into his pocket and downed the beer he'd bought for Brett.

"You been stood up?" The girl next to him asked. She was tall and pretty stunning. And it didn't help she had a similar British accent to Neela.

"Yup, my best bud was meant to come and meet me, but he's met a girl, so I come second. Seems to be a pattern recently."

"Poor you, well, I'm in the same situation, my friend's working. She thought I was arriving tomorrow."

"You're here on holiday then?" Ray asked.

The girl nodded, "Yeah, I live in California at the moment, I just came here to see her, we've not met up in quite a while."

"Sounds cool."

"Yeah, that's also why I'm speaking to a complete stranger, if I wasn't on holiday I wouldn't, don't worry, I'm not completely crazy."

Ray laughed, "I didn't think you were."

"Good. I'm Jules by the way."

"Ray... do you want a drink?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Jules said with a smile.

**A/N dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Haha, I said the muses had gone, but they came to me as I was writing this! I hope you like this new twist (you know there's gonna be a lot lol) Review, please!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Omg, guys, I am sooooo sorry I have kept you on that cliffie!!! I really really didn't mean to, but I kept forgetting about this story, real life has been uber distractionary at the minute!!! **

**Anyway, I also have no idea why I didn't post this, I'd called it "chapter 9, unfinished" but it was finished -pretty much anyway!!! Very odd...**

**Anyhoot, here ya go, hope you haven't given up on me!**

Chapter Nine -The Morning After

Ray opened his eyes, light blinding him and serving to add to his already thumping head. "Shit," he muttered. He sat up, feeling nausea rising, and saw that his bed was empty apart from him. Then he saw the note on the pillow.

_Hey Ray,_

_Last night was fun, thanks!_

_Don't worry about calling or anything, that would be way too awkward -that's why I just left, plus you looked so cute sleeping! _

_Hope your head isn't too sore, I stole some of your painkillers, sorry, _

_Jules x_

Ray smiled, for most of his twenties he'd had one night stands and dreaded the morning after, it had always been so awkward. And now he'd found a girl who had only wanted a one night stand too, but he couldn't even enjoy it. For once, he hadn't wanted just that. Not that he'd wanted some relationship with Jules, but he did want one with someone else.

He got up and went to the kitchen. He took some painkillers dry, then went to switch his stereo on. "Another Girl, Another Planet" came on, from some punk compilation he'd gotten recently. He sat on the sofa and sighed. Then started singing along, finding some new energy "Space travels in my blood, there ain't nothing I can do about it!"

He was just on the line "I think I'm on another world with you, I'm on another planet with you," when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Barnett, it's Weaver, where the hell are you? You're late for your shift!"

Shit, he thought, "Um, I'm on my way, sorry."

"Say it to Rasgotra, she stayed to cover your ass. But when I found out..."

"On my way," he interrupted, slamming the phone down. Neela had covered for him? Shit, he needed to get dressed.

He ran into the ER, and straight to the doctors' lounge, in the hope of finding Neela before Weaver found him. He burst in, just as Neela was saying;

"You should of called me, I probably could have got someone to cover for me!"

"It's fine, I phoned the hospital but you were busy. I was going to call again later but I kind of... um..."

Ray recognised that voice. He walked round the corner to where the lockers were.

"What?" Neela said, grinning at her friend. Then she noticed Ray, standing with wide eyes behind them. "Oh hey Ray, this is my friend, Jules."

Jules swivelled round, her eyes wide. "Uh... hi!"

"I... I..." Ray stuttered.

"What's up with you? Worried Weaver's gonna kill you? Don't worry, I covered for you. So you owe me," Neela said, with a smile.

"No, it's uh... not that."

Jules turned to Neela, "Um, yeah, we've already met."

"What? How?"

"Well, you know how I said I was going to call you later, but then I... well I met Ray. In a bar. And I kind of went back to his place," she turned to Ray, "I told you the mornings after were always awkward."

Ray knew she didn't know quite how awkward. What an idiot he was, he'd gone and had a one night stand with one of Neela's friends. Idiot.

"I'm really sorry Neela," he said quietly, before walking out of the room. He couldn't face the hurt look in her eyes.

"Neela? Oh you're not Jess any more, I keep forgetting. Yeah, look I'm sorry, I didn't know he worked with you. I was just a bit drunk and you know."

"Jules, that's the guy I was telling you about," Neela said, feeling close to tears.

"He's... oh shit I'm... I didn't know."

"How could you of known? Come on, let's get out of here."

Jules nodded and followed her friend, cursing herself inwardly. What the hell had she done?

"I am so sorry, Jess, are you ok?" Jules said as they entered Jess' apartment, they had hardly spoken on the journey back and Jules felt absolutely terrible.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... because..."

"No, it's fine. Ray and I talked before you came and decided we would go back to being friends, it's easier that way anyway," Jess said, though she could hardly look at Jules, knowing that her and Ray had... done what they had.

"Oh, ok." Jules sat on the sofa, knowing that things weren't ok with Jess, but not knowing what to do to help her. She was reminded of the time she had seen Jess and Joe almost kissing, in Germany. She had been heartbroken, and when she'd found out they were getting together, it had hurt. But now, she knew they were great together. She decided she would help them get back together, to make it up to Jess. Maybe, by sleeping with Ray, she had helped that along anyway, accidental, but good in the long run... maybe.

"I think you should phone him," she said later, as they were easting dinner.

"Phone who?" Jess asked, thinking immediately of Ray.

"Joe, of course. It's obvious he still cares about you, even after all this time."

"Yeah, I suppose I could. But I think I'd prefer just to write... it'd save money," she said with a smile. The real reason was she had no idea what to say to him. They hadn't spoken in years, and they hadn't exactly ended it on a good note.

"Right, yes, that's true." Jules went back to eating, feeling the awkward silence. She didn't know if it would have been like this anyway, given they hadn't seen each other in so long, or if it was because of her and Ray that things were so awkward.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Warning, warning, I'm in a disappointed mood so this is reallyyyyy going to show in this chapter. But it fits so yar!!! Hope you like!**

Chapter Ten

Neela felt the hot sting of tears running down her cheeks. It just wasn't fair. This situation, every single little bit of it, just was not fair. It wasn't a bloody love triangle, it was a love... there wasn't a shape with enough sides! She liked Ray. She loved Joe. Joe loved her. Jules liked Ray. Ray liked Jules. Ray liked her?

It was too confusing.

She had too many feelings of old love, but not being in love, and likes... and there were too many crossed paths. Too many, "been there, tried that"'s.

She climbed out of bed when she heard the phone going for what seemed like the millionth time that morning. It was only 7:30, who was calling now?

"Hello?"

"Jess? It's Joe."

"J-Joe?" she stammered.

"Yeah... hi. I... do you wanna meet for a cup of tea?"

"Joe... we live in different countries," she replied, unable to resist smiling at his absurd request.

"This is true, but, I just happen to be right here in Chicago and thought "who do I know who lives in Chicago" he said, with a small chuckle.

"You're in Chicago. Like, now?"

"That's right. So... tea?"

"No... but I'll have a coffee."

"You've turned into an American, what on earth would your mum say?"

An hour and a half later Jess walked into the coffee shop, and scanned it for the familiar dark mop of hair. She soon found herself gazing into his bluey green eyes.

"Jess," he said, standing up. His accent made her go weak at the knees, as always.

"I'm glad to see your accent hasn't faded."

"Neither has yours, even though you prefer coffee over tea."

They both smiled. She ordered a coffee and then sat down with him. "So... what brings you to Chicago."

He looked at her with a penetrating gaze. "You."

She gave a nervous laugh, trying to break the tension that had suddenly come over them.

"I'm being serious Jess."

"It's Neela," she said quickly. And from that one statement she suddenly knew that it was true. She wasn't Jess any more. She was Neela. A doctor. A completely different person. Someone who wasn't in love with Joe.

"Oh... I forgot, sorry. Neela... it's weird, I can't see you as anything except Jess."

"I'm not Jess any more. I'm someone else."

"J... Neela... look, I just... I came all this way because I... I still have feelings for you and... I didn't know if the letter had made that clear and then Jules phoned me and..."

"Jules phoned you?" Neela interrupted.

"Yeah, a few days ago."

Neela nodded, about the time she had arrived. "She didn't tell me."

"Right... but... you never replied to the letter so, I just wanted to know what you... thought... Jess?"

"It's Neela, Joe. Neela. I'm not Jess any more, I'm not some little eighteen year old girl obsessed with football. I'm a doctor now, and I'm good at it. And I really enjoy it. And..." she took a breath, realising she'd been ranting a little. "And... I'm not in love with you any more."

"Oh." The look on his face killed her. It felt like someone was breaking her heart all over again, like the first time she'd gone back to America after they'd broken up. She could remember it so clearly. She wondered if he'd felt the same, or if he'd just thought the break-up wouldn't last. For her, she'd known it would. And that's why she knew she would get through it again this time.

"I'm so sorry."

"No... I shouldn't have come."

"No, it's been really good to see you... I... I think it's been good for us, to get all this... out in the open."

"Yeah..." he looked down a the table.

"Do you want to come back to mine, to see Jules?"

"Jess... Neela, I don't think that's a good idea."

She reached out and touched his face, he looked up at her. "Joe, please. Don't let it end badly. Come on, you don't want to have to fork out for a hotel as well as the plan fare, right?"

He gave a small smile and swallowed hard. "Sure. It'd be nice to see Jules."

**A/N Well... that's not what I expected at all!!! It was short, sorry, but it wasn't all that disappointing, really! Wow. I didn't think it was all that, but it got the story moving! Reviews are always welcome!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N I did a bit of research on parks in Chicago for this chapter, I hope it works out, but please bear in mind I have never actually been to Chicago (yet anyway) so I don't actually know what it's like!!!**

**And yes, posting two chapters to make up for my long absense!**

Chapter Eleven -Back to Old Habits

"It's so good to see you Joe, it really, really is. I've missed you a lot," Jules said, with a wide grin.

"I've missed you too Jules," Joe said, with an equally wide smile.

Neela came into the living room with a tray of tea. British through and through. "We should do something today, something... fun! But i've got to do a bit of research, and then I'm free."

"Well, I'm sure me and Joe can amuse ourselves round Chicago, then we'll meet up with you?"

"That'd be great!"

* * *

Jules and Joe walked along the street, peering in shop windows. Then Jules brought up the topic they'd both known was coming. "So... what happened with Jess?"

"She's not Jess anymore, Jules. She's someone else."

"Oh... yes, well I know she's changed her name."

Joe shook his head, "It's not just that. She wants different things, she's a different person. Completely and utterly, a new person, not the same person we used to know."

"I know what you mean... but the changes aren't bad ones."

"No, no I didn't mean that at all. But she's not the Jess who was in love with me. She told me."

"Oh Joe," Jules said, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, it just means that the person I was in love with... well, she isn't it."

"There are so many other people out there for you. I know when I first found out about you two, I was devastated because of how much... I liked you, but then I got to see how great you were together."

"Um... this isn't really helping Jules," he said.

"Let me finish! What I'm trying to say, is no matter how great it was with someone, because me and you were pretty good, there is always going to be something better. At least... that's what I'm hoping."

"Thanks Jules, you're a good friend."

"Anytime. Hmm do you think there's a park round here?"

* * *

Abby and Luka were walking through Grant Park, when they saw Neela running past them. Both exchanged glances. "Was that... Neela Rasgotra?" Luka asked.

Abby nodded, "I think so." She laughed, "Our secret may be out... but then... so might hers. What on earth is she doing?"

The not-so-secret-couple hurried over to the open grass area where Neela, Jules and Joe were running crazily around, following a soccer ball.

"Neela!" Abby called, causing Neela to turn round, looking incredibly embarassed.

"Abby... Luka... um... hi!"

Luka chortled, "What are you doing?"

"We're... um... playing football," Neela said with a grin, "Wait... what are you two doing?"

Luka and Abby looked at each other and grinned. "We're..."

"We're giving it another go," Luka said, taking Abby's hand in his. "Sorry," he said to her, "I really can't be bothered with all this secrecy. I want to be able to hold your hand in public."

Abby raised her eyebrows, "Well... that's alright with me."

Neela grinned, "Finally!" She turned to Joe and Jules, "These are two of my collegues, Abby and Luka. You two, these are two of my oldest friends, Joe and Jules."

"Nice to meet you," Abby said, smiling.

"Fancy a game?" Joe asked, trying not to feel weird. It wasn't that the introductions had been weird, or awkward. It was their nornmal-ness that was now freaking him out. He was one of Jess's -Neela now- oldest friends. And that was it. And that was... alright. He was happy for them to be friends. And that was the only weird thing.

"I'll play," Luka said.

"Um no, I can't play soccer."

"It's football," Neela said, "And anyone can play!"

They spent a good few hours messing around on the grass, sometimes playing football, sometimes just acting stupid. It was nice to just have an afternoon off from caring. Neela hadn't smiled so much in a while. There was only one more thing weighing on her mind.

"I'll be back in a minute, yeah?" she said, getting her cell phone out.

She walked up the path a little way, knownig Luka and Abby would probably be exchanging glances.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ray, it's Neela."

"Oh... hi... um... how are you?"

"I'm good yeah, we're just in the park at the minute."

"Oh," he said, sounding a little confused. "Having fun?"

"Yeah... I just wanted to tell you, Abby and Luka are here, as a couple!"

"Wow, I totally knew it! I'm so happy for them."

She smiled, "I know, it's great right?"

"So, you're all just hanging around in the park?"

"Yup. Look Ray... I wanted to... I..." God, she'd made this phone call without even really knowing what she wanted to say.

"Spit it out," he said, with a laugh.

"Do you wanna meet me tonight?"

"Well... I'm playing a gig."

"Oh right, it doesn't matter," she said quickly, feeling totally embarassed.

"But I'd love you to come?"

"Really?"

"Sure, do you know Indigo?"

"Yes I think so."

"I'll meet you there. I've got to go now, but I'll see you tonight!" He sounded quite cheerful about it. Tonight was going to be an interesting experience.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Hey ya'll! Well, I hope you enjoy this, the last chapter, this fic has been a bit of a struggle, but overall I'm quite proud of it, glad you all liked it, and hope to hear all your reviews soon!**

Chapter Twelve- It's Always The Start of Something

Joe leaned against the kitchen counter, and smiled. "You look lovely."

"Thanks," Neela said, smoothing down her top. She was so nervous. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."

"You already said that," he said, laughing.

"No, I just mean for... everything. Thank you for everything."

Joe smiled again, "Any time, J... Neela. My plane's tonight so I'll... see you next time you're in England?"

"Absolutely. And you really don't mind me not taking you to the airport?"

"No, I know you've got... other things that need to be done. Jules kind of... filled me in."

Neela turned to Jules and smiled. "Thank you too."

"We're your friends, that's what we're here for. I'll see you later on, yeah?"

* * *

Ray was standing outside the club, freezing cold, as he was just wearing a t-shirt. He was hopping about, trying to warm up, when Neela walked up to him.

"Hey," she said, smiling a little smile.

"Hi... ok I know we're being just friends and everything, but can I say you look... great?"

She laughed, "Yeah, you can say that."

"Good, well... you do."

"And um... as for the friends thing I wanted to say..."

"Ray! Hurry the hell up, we're starting soon," came a call from the stage door.

_Shit_, Ray thought to himself, _what was she about to say?_

"I guess we should go in, come on, you can meet everyone." He grabbed her hand and led her down to the stage door, he noticed as he walked inside that he wasn't cold any more. Funny what can distract you...

"Hey Ray, who's this?" Brett asked, leaning against the door frame.

"This is Neela, she's a fellow med-student at County," Ray said, with a smile.

"Hmm, maybe I should become a doctor as well."

Ray scowled, "Shut up Brett."

"I think we've got as many doctors slash rock stars as we can handle at County," Neela said, grinning. "Nice to meet you though, I can't wait to hear the set."

"How do you know about stuff like sets?" Ray asked, looking bemused.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me Ray."

"Ooooh," Brett said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Come on Barnett, we've gotta get on."

"Um Neela, the bars through that way, you mind? I'll come meet you as soon as we're finished."

"Sure, that's fine. I'll see you in a bit, break a leg!" Neela said, walking through the corridor he'd pointed out.

"She's hot," Brett said.

"Brett, don't even think about it. She's worth ten times what you are."

* * *

Neela was grinning when Ray came over to her, "Oh my god, that was so good. I never knew you were so... good!"

Ray smiled bashfully, "Thanks, I'm glad you liked it."

"Seriously, I thought it was just a bit of fun... but you're so good. I mean, when you were up there I just... wow."

Both of them smiled at each other, unsure what to say next. Neela took a step forward, there were some situations when actions spoke louder than words. She grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him down to meet her kiss.

He pulled away after a while, "I thought you said you didn't want..."

"I didn't know what I wanted."

"And now?"

She smiled. "Now I know. I know who I am, who I want to be. And I know who I want. I want you, Ray."

"You sure you're not going to go all... away again?" he asked. He had to be sure. He knew that with Neela, it was going to be different. This wasn't meant to be just a one-night-stand.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not by choice anyway. All I want is to be with you."

He pulled her towards him again, "Good. Because that's all I want too."

With their next kiss they both new this was the start of something new. Something good.


End file.
